jewin' the fat


Top Ten Tips: Blogging for the new-Jew
November 5, 2009, 11:33 AM
Filed under: Comment, Jewish Community, media, Top Ten | Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

It’s the one of the newest crazes, and as with most things, Jews have once again shown their ability to attack, subdue and control the media – or in this case, the blogosphere. Except that this time, we were about five years too late. No matter – young Jewish people are pounding their keyboards with a fierceness we haven’t seen since Chris Brown, and it’s steadily catching on.

Even CNN is starting to sit up and take notice of the new catch of Jewish youth who are taking back their media, and injecting it back out there with a little culture and a whole lot of vengeance. Some with a little more skill than others, but we are all the Prime Minister by our mothers, right?

So it goes – your Top Ten Tips: Blogging for the new-Jew. And just like last time, if you got something to add, don’t forget to do it  at jewinthefat@gmail.com.

1) Slick name: Because appearances are everything – your name needs to have enough sparkle to ensure it stands out, enough gravitas and/or hubris to be considered seriously and a generous see-if-i-care chutzpa to separate you from the wretched, grasping unoriginal hoards. Because you are the real deal. And so are you. And you too. We are all individuals …

2) Smooth delivery: Although it pops up later in this Top Ten, it’s not enough to be able to string a sentence together, or at least spell each word correctly (or incorrectly, with irony of courze). Otherwise you would just be another Miranda Devine. Make sure your content is easy to digest, uncomplicated by outrageous fonts/lay out, and entirely free of “she was as light as air” similes. They make people with an iota of intelligence want to light their hair on fire. With swiftness of a strike of a match.

3) A killer Pseudonym: Now I know that there are some out there who want their names up in lights, but let’s be honest – there is something claustrophobic about writing as a Jewish person, especially in a small community like Australia. You can expect the blogging experiment to spread like wildfire, even if you don’t use your real name – it’s called the grapevine, and Jews have been wringing it dry for centuries to make their Carmel wine. Case in point: a dear writer friend, who’s sick, slick and salacious diatribes about his sexual prowess (even whilst written on another continent, 14 hours away), reached our sunny shores and within weeks, he had shut up shop. So be aware that you are writing for an audience of more than just your mother or partner, and be read up on defamation, slander, privacy laws and all those irritating ethical problems writers deal with.  OR just make up a pseudonym.

4) Something to say: No one likes to read yesterday’s news. Make sure what you want to say is original, personal, and above all interesting. Keep it in the Public’s interest, or keep the public interested and you’ve got a winner baby.

5) An axe to grind: Ooh, those pesky (insert most hated noun here). If they (who or whatever they happen to be) really get your panties in a twist, then make a big stinking noise about it. Because in cyberspace, everyone can hear you scream – but remember, don’t go overboard, because we can also simply tune out. Keep it even, Steven.

6) Someone to read it: So we have already covered your mother and partner, but maybe it’s worthwhile, rather than blathering on for hundreds of pars, to work to a demographic. Who do you want to read this? What do they read online? Offline? Do they read at all – or would they be better served by videos, graphic novels, photos – that’s the beauty of multimedia. But keep on track – if you are planning to make a little business outta your baby, you need the clicks.

7) Someone to hate it: Any publicity is good publicity. It doesn’t matter if the people reading you hate you or love you – as long as they read you, you are in business. But don’t take it too personally. Most of the people commenting are overweight 14 year olds whose older brother won’t buy them West Coast Coolers on Saturday nights.

8 ) Spelling and Grammar: This is simple – Like attracts like, and if you write like a demented 11-year-old on MySpace, that’s who will be logging on to read you. So make sure you spellcheck, and re-read, and for God’s sake – any LOL, ROFLMAO, BRB and STFU is ridiculous, juvenile and down-right lazy. Grow up.

9) a LOT of time on your hands: Even if this is just a hobby, or creative outlet, you will have to put some effort and time into getting a blog started. Maybe not hours at a time, but definitely intermittent spurts of energy and creativity, ideally at regular or semi-regular intervals, is what keeps a blog living and breathing, and readers reading. At least once a week is a good start, but any less than that, and you wander into dangerous territory. Not dangerous like Peshawar, but close.

10) Be informed: The only way to write about stuff you know, is to, like, know stuff? You know? So do yourself a favour and get informed. Read newspapers, books, listen to music, watch films, engage in political, creative, educational pursuits – hell, watch YouTube all day. The best writers are the best readers and to get there, you’ll need to put in the hard yards.

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